Johan Miranda and Audience In... Our Little Fantasy
- Johan Miranda (to the male counterpart of a couple): You're gonna get laid tonight. And I hope you think of me.
- Audience Member: I hope I don't!
- Johan Miranda: Let me just smell your fingers then.
"I’m not going to ruin your relationship, you are."
— Melanie O’Brien’s prophecy towards a couple in the audience @ Vitus
"I’ve been running this mic for about two years and one of the vast improvements is significantly less rape jokes."
— Rajeev Dhar @ Amnesia
![I know I’m not going to make you laugh enough to want to have sex with me, but I know I can go to the bathroom and stick my dick in this beer.
- Juan Medina @ Amnesia [Paraphrase]
[Photo by Andrew Moore]](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3s08cVF091qcxc43o1_1280.jpg)
![Can you all just fucking laugh please?… It would really fill me with confidence.
- Luke Lockfeld @ Dirty Trix [Paraphrase]
[Photo by Sam Ardrey]](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3ic2xprYA1qcxc43o1_1280.jpg)
![…I’m up here trying to make this human junkyard laugh.
Brendan Lynch’s anti-audience tirate @ Snob Theater [Paraphrase]
[Photo by Shawn Robbins]](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3f4s15X5J1qcxc43o1_1280.jpg)
"I’m not doing too well emotionally… this night isn’t helping."
— Chase Bernstein @ Dirty Trix
Sammy Obeid and Audience in... Learning
- Sammy Obeid: Please, someone say something that they learned tonight.
- Audience Member: Don't be a comedian.
- [APPLAUSE BREAK]
Joe Gorman & Audience in... Dark Knight Rises
- Joe Gorman: Did it get dark or did it just get real?
- Audience Member: Both!
- Joe Gorman: Yes, it's always darkest before the punchline.
"Leave me alone you big ass bully. You’re the reason gay people kill themselves in record numbers."
— Travis Curry at a big-time, big-body heckler @ Tommy T’s Showroom
